


I Gotta Find Peace Of Mind

by 0_icarus_0



Category: One Piece
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-05
Updated: 2020-08-24
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:27:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,041
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25733566
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/0_icarus_0/pseuds/0_icarus_0
Summary: Did you know it only takes 2 weeks to completely brainwash someone?
Relationships: Crocodile/Donquixote Doflamingo
Comments: 4
Kudos: 18





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> He says it's impossible, but I know it's possible.
> 
> I gotta find peace of mind is a Lauryn hill song I would recommend listening to it while you read <3

He says it's impossible, but I know it's possible

10 years before Crocodile became a Shichibukai 

The ship was lively and bustling it always was. Although I was invited I still felt lonely as if no one understood me. But they tried, don't get me wrong they did try but I still felt like an outcast even if it wasn’t intentional. Izo was my best friend and he understood what I was going through. I was the only girl on the ship and everyone else was what I wanted to be. A man. Sometimes in fights, some of the guys would “protect” me. It wasn't because they thought I was weak and it wasn’t on purpose. I get it but it doesn’t make it right. Sometimes it was frustrating but what could I do no one could help me. But this crew couldn’t have a female pirate; it was “against their moral code as men.”

The years went on and on I kept my same shoulder-length hair and loose button-ups to look “male” I also worked out a shit ton. But I was still not as muscular as my male counterparts. Tonight would mark my last night on this hell hole ship. I’m going to be the King of pirates and show him that I could do it.

I was given a small ship with provisions for the next month and a half and a Den-Den Mushi to call in. But we were now rivals and I was out to find my crew. Hugs, farewells, and even tears were shed. But Whitebeard stayed stoic unchanging. I wonder if I was a boy he’d treat me differently considering I was his only daughter after all. I knew he would only accept a son but would he at least say goodbye or look in my direction. I knew Edward could never accept me but soon he would have to. I felt my eyes gloss over with tears.  
None Fell.  
On that day I changed my name from Victoria D.Newgate to Vince D.Newgate 

I had met a man named Dragon, he was a revolutionary. His speeches about overthrowing the World Government spoke to my heart. He was a man of many secrets. I just felt awe that someone that important would listen to me and what I had to say. We were dating for three years. I trusted him with my life. He even understood me, he was ok that I wanted to be a man he knew someone who could help me. They could change me. He only had one request and I wasn’t comfortable with it but if it made him happy I’d do it. He wanted me to have a baby. I would have a baby, would it call me mom or dad? In Dragon’s view, those questions were non-factors. Something felt off but I trusted him with my life so my doubts were put on the back burner.

The pregnancy is what you would expect but it was tolerable with him by my side. Once a week Iva would come in check up on me. Iva was an interesting person, to say the least. The baby would always kick, punch, and jump around. They were strange. During the later months, Iva seemed more apprehensive Iva had just chalked it up to the baby coming at any time.  
But it seemed like more Iva was hiding something from me or super nervous about something. It stressed me out. I felt left out again just like on the ship. But I decided to wait it out because I love Dragon.

Everything hurt, labor was the devil. But it was okay because he was beside me. This was the best experience of my life. Being next to him and giving birth to our son. Iva-san promised that she would change me after as well and Dragon said that he’d even love me in a males body.

This is nirvana. Iva put the baby in my arms and I passed out. I woke up to loud cries and wails. I feel something in my arms. I slowly look down and see a baby. We make eye contact and the baby immediately stops crying. I lift the blanket he was wrapped in and see that he was a boy. I felt the tears stream down my face as I stared into his beautiful chocolate brown eyes. I was in love, the tears wouldn’t stop. At first, I didn’t notice my changes. My hands were bigger. I held the baby in my arms as I got up and searched for Iva-chan’s mirror room. I stood in awe, I am what I longed to be. A man. It was real. I am real. I couldn’t believe it, I slick some of my stray hairs back with my free hand and watch myself in the mirror. 

“I’m a man, time to find you, father baby.” We walked around the castle and the baby would stop crying. I needed to find Dragon but he was nowhere to be found neither was Iva and Iva was hard to miss. I mean hard to miss. I realize that the baby is probably hungry. We walk to the kitchen and I find some of the formula Iva-chan bought for me. I was starting to worry about them. Where could they have gone? While I mixed the formula with one hand and held the baby with the other I noticed a piece of paper on the table. I fix the bottle and sit down with the baby in my lap and feed it the bottle. I read the paper on the table, 

Hello Croco-boy, its IVA-CHAN look at you now all big and bad. Oooh. I have to blame our early departure on Dragon. We will never see each other again. Take the baby and run, Dragon is a revolutionary, not a lover or father. He wanted a baby to carry on his name and find Garp if you don’t want to keep the baby. Garp would be his grandfather. I’m sorry.  
Love~Iva.

I crushed the paper I was fuming I hated Dragon. I never wanted a baby. I am a man. The baby looked at me with those chocolate brown eyes. I hated how it made me feel. I had to get out of here. And find Garp. An admiral. Shit. I would get arrested if I just showed up at his base. What the fuck am I supposed to do with this baby? How would I even contact him? Would he even believe me? I have to raise the baby until I meet Garp then I can just hand him over

The crew said nothing, the baby was never brought up well maybe at least to me. I never spent time with the baby because I knew I would get too attached. I mostly left the baby with the crew members as we sailed. I found some info about Shanks, maybe he could help me. 

We met once during a brawl between Whitebeard and Gol.D Roger. He thought I was “cool” and that we could make our crew. We were friends but then Roger died and then he fell off the face of the earth. But now I know who can help me get in contact with Shanks and he could probably help me. 

I walk into some shabby looking bar. With the baby hidden under my cape sleeping. I held him up with a sling. On my back. He snored quietly, only audible to me.  
“What would you like to drink?” The barkeep narrows her eyes at me and watches my every move. I was half expecting her to pull out a gun if I moved the wrong way.  
“Water is fine. Do you know Red-Hair shanks? I ask as I sip on my water. The bar goes silent. I feel the eyes on me. It was his crew, wasn’t it?  
“Are you a pirate?”  
“Yes.” I see no point in lying, the room is incredibly dense. I peer over my shoulder and see Ben Beckam and Yassop from the corner of my eyes. I needed to get out of here. They didn’t know me, I needed to find Shanks. But if I move I’m dead. One wrong move and I’m dead. It felt like hours, it was five minutes. Of all eyes on me. A drunken red-head walked into the bar.

“I leave for five minutes to piss outside and my crew is trying to kill something.” As soon as he walks in the room goes back to the loud and rowdy friendly nature it was in before I entered.  
Shanks walks up behind me and touches my hair. He's shitfaced.  
“Don’t touch my hair, Shanks,” I say half-heartedly, I was never in love with Shanks but he always had a way of letting me feel welcome. At one point I was contemplating on joining his crew. 

“Victoria something has changed about you. I just can’t put a finger on it.” He threw his arm around me and sat at the next barstool beside me.  
“Shanks, your sarcasm is as dry as your charm. It's Vince now.”  
“You look great by the way. Suits you, who did it. Maybe they can make me as tall as you. I can’t be lacking. The pirate world is ruthless” His laugh is always so loud and breathy. Shanks was my best friend and my lifesaver. The noise in the room woke the baby boy. His cries silenced the room. All eyes were on me again, even Shanks was curious. I slowly lift the cape to reveal the baby that was hidden under my cape. He almost fell out of his chair. Once he regained composure he went in to hold the baby I allowed him to hold the baby. He held it in the air and turned around in the chair.  
He elbowed me in the side, “I am gonna be a father!”  
“Look Shanks I can’t take care of this baby. Not by myself, my crew is far too small to help me.”  
“You want a pirate’s help in raising a baby?” He quirked his eyebrow at me, I turned around so he could see my face. “Shanks please, they respect you. I know who his grandfather is. But I can’t keep the baby alive if I am starting my shit I can’t leave him with anyone. I have no one.”  
He stared down at the baby, and then me.  
“I know its a lot to ask but give me five years I promise I will be a shichibukai or I woul-”  
“I’ll look after the kid.” He put that ratty hat on the baby.  
“I couldn’t thank you enough Shanks.”  
“This won’t be free y’know. “ He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. I facepalm and sigh.  
“The booze is on me,”  
“Thank you! I left my wallet on the ship.” He bumped my shoulder again. “Y'know I have a boy of my own.”  
“Really? What is he like?”  
“Y’know Vince, I don’t know.” he stared into the baby’s eyes, “I never met him. Maybe I’ll try to find him one day. Kinda just left him with his mom. Y’know Yassop has a son the same age as your boy.”  
I couldn’t say anything, I was trying to do the same thing. But I don’t want to see the baby again.  
“I wish I could go see him but I can’t. Does he have a name?”  
“No.”  
“What do you want to name him?” He kept his eyes on the baby,  
“You decide.”  
“Shanks Jr.” His stupid boisterous laugh filled the room. “I will name him Luffy,”

Leaving the bar was the hardest part of the evening. But I had to start a life of my own.  
Anticipation swept over my body as I got on the Marine ship. My first shichibukai meeting. It was a boardroom in some military base. The room was filled with the other shichibukai and some admirals. I immediately made eye contact with Garp. 

The meeting was short and long at the same time. The room was filled with ‘extraordinary’ looking people. From a man with stitches down his cartoony body to a lady death glaring everyone in the room. But one stood out the most, the man sitting peculiarly on the chair in a large pink feathered coat. He was an eyesore too much pink. Throughout the whole meeting, I could feel him watching me. It made me quite uncomfortable. All he did was smile and wag that stupid tongue of his. It was like he was eye-fucking me. I’d have to watch out for him.

My five-year plan with Shanks was coming to an end. I had finally figured out a way to push Luffy on to Garp. He had been harboring Gol. D. Roger's son, I could easily blackmail him into keeping Luffy. My plan had no loose ends and I could finally put it into motion. I’d have to go see Shanks soon and he’d have the baby. I wonder whatever came to his son?

~Eustass~  
I was dumped on a scrap island with my drug and whored out mother. I hated her, I hated my bright red hair. I’d get bullied and harassed for being associated with her. I was disgusted to be her son. One afternoon I was cleaning and I had found some pictures of an equally scruffy straw hat man. My mom said it was my father and he was never coming back to us so I should abandon the idea. I had hope that one day he’d come back and I’d have a reason to like my red locks and a way for me to escape the constant bullying and harassment. 

The nights were always the longest, my mother would usually start the block at seven and come back at twelve the next day. The island was as cold and dead as my heart, no sounds except the bustling of the scrap metal and peoples “nightly addictions”. Drugs, alcohol, parties, and sex were the things that filled the city, nothing less, nothing more. But tonight felt different, something jovial is in the atmosphere. The knock at the door tore me out of the new mechanic I was building. I walked to the door and peeked through the eyehole. And I saw something I only really imagined, he was here. 

I open the door and he’s here. He looked more imposing in person as a real-life pirate.  
“Are you Eustass?” I nod curtly, but he was different; he didn’t have that straw hat. I wonder if he only wears it in photos?  
“Can I come in?” I open the door wider to allow the red-head man in. He made his way to our ratty couch and made himself quite at home. I was embarrassed at the house I tried to hide all the syringes that were left behind.  
“Eustass, I wanted to meet you and just apologize for being away, I was dealing with some other personal issues. I know that will not suffice but I wanted to say I’m sorry.” His goofy smile made me want to forget everything.  
We talked for hours, he told me his stories of piracy. He was everything I ever wanted. I ended up falling asleep listening to his pirate stories.


	2. "Now that I know the truth, now that it's no excuse"

E U S T A S S  
Everyday, every week, every month, every year. It’s the same shit, same life and I was sick of it. I was losing hope in life. But something changed that for me, every night a secret red-head would sneak into my house and tell me stories of piracy. 

I used to draw and colour pictures of me and him on his ship. The pictures covered my room's wall, I even started to make my own model ship out of scrap metal on this garbage island.

My eyes widen as he tells me about Gol.D.Roger and how amazing he was. I wanted to be just like him,

“Hey Shanks do you ever think I can join your pirate crew?” He placed his hand on his chin and scratched his red locks.  
“When you get older come and find me. I’ll be in the new world waiting for you.”  
“But I want to join your crew.”  
“Every man has his own journey and story with the sea. I wouldn’t want to stifle yours.”  
I nodded my head pretending to understand what he meant, I just wanted to be on his ship. I just wanted to be with my dad. Later that night he left me on the couch sleeping. 

In the next couple years I grew out my hair and trimmed it so I looked exactly like him. He’d come around a couple times a year with new tools for me. As I grew older the visits went from a couple months to rarely ever. Until one night.

I was fixing some mechanics in my workshop and heard a loud laugh outside. No one in the city laughs so I ran to the door to see who it was. I open the door to see Shanks and some straw hat kid. That was Shank’s straw hat, what business did that kid have with it. I wanted to snatch the precious artifact from the kid and hand it back to the owner. 

“My name is Luffy, it’s nice to meet you.”  
“Kid,”  
“That's a silly name you know Shanks named me.”  
“I don’t have a real first name, that's just what everyone calls me.” I was so angry but I didn’t know who to be angry with. The kid or Shanks, so this is who he has been neglecting me for. I almost wanted to cry. I’ve been here all this time alone with no one to help me.  
“You gotta go,”  
“Why, Shanks brought us here to see you big brother.”  
“I’m not your fucking big brother.”  
“Shanks says you are.”  
“Shanks isn’t your dad, he is mine.”  
“You are so silly Kid, he is my dad and my captain. Shishishsishsihsi”  
‘You’re captain?”  
“Yup I’m on Shanks ship, cool right. He even lost an arm for me. I feel bad though.”  
“Go away!” I slammed the door and slumped down on the floor. I never ever wanted to touch drugs or alcohol before but the liquor in the cabinet looked nice right now. 

He left me. He abandoned me for some kid, his own son. 

Shanks came the next day with Luffy on his shoulder and I was livid.  
“Hey Kid. I know you and Luffy had a rough start but I want to mend that relationship.” His smile that used to make me excited for the future now makes me want to tear my eyeballs out of my face and eat them for dinner. I stare at them without letting them in,  
“Do you bring Luffy on your ship?”  
“Yes because he doesn’t have parents.” Did he not realise what he had said.  
“I have a drug addict mom and an absent father. Your point is.” Shanks just stared at me,  
“I’m nine years old. I wouldn’t be a burden just please take me with you. I can’t stay here with my mom anymore.”  
“You will have to just wait one day until we will meet each other in the new world.”  
“This is not fair, you left me. I am your son. I am supposed to be on that ship, it's supposed to be me! Not him!”  
“I love you and Luffy equally.”  
“Oh really, you lost an arm for him would you do the same for me?”  
“Of course.”  
“Get out, my mom is gonna come home soon and she wouldn’t want you talking to me.”

Shanks walked out with a sobbing Luffy on his shoulders.

Maybe that was the worst mistake of my life

C R O C O D I L E

I hated the meetings with a passion. The abomination of a man would always look at me funny. Oh I wish he’d try something. He always looked like he was plotting something. I wanted to just take my hook and choke him out.

When I’d attend the meetings he never really showed emotion other than his blinding grin. So it was a surprise when he cracked today.  
“Join my family.”  
“Excuse me what?” I looked around the room to see if anyone else was seeing this bullshit. Everyone in the boardroom just watched unamused. He was like an overgrown seagull just watched and stalked until the tiniest piece of bread fell.  
“Join my family.” I couldn’t be bothered to listen or see him for another second, I just ignored him. Every 5 minutes or so he’d ask the same question. I’m at my last straw.  
He followed out to my ship.  
“I’ve had enough of your bullshit stop askingme to join your fucking family.”  
“Oh, but this is not a request it's more of an order.” I give him an incredulous look before I turn and walk away.  
“I know about the baby.” My blood froze and I stilled for a moment. “Oh he’s so cute needs a haircut though.” I turn on my heel and face the smiling bird.  
“Listen here, Doflamingo right that’s your name, never ever bring up that child ever again unless you have a deathwish.” His long fingers caressed the photo of the kid. “It’d be a shame if someone left him unattended in east blue.” He was threatening me, he knew too much how’d he figure out my plan. I had only spoken to Garp once.  
“Whatever you know, keep it yourself, Doflamingo.” He stalked behind me, his warm breath on my neck was alarming to say the least. “But why the world should know about Sir. Crocodile’s love child.”  
I grab his arm with all the force I could pull out. “Never, speak about my child ever again. I never want to hear anything about my son uttered from your mouth again. And never try to blackmail me again, if we weren’t at a meeting you would be dead.” I let go and spit on his shoes. I walk away adjusting my rings.

How did he get this information? I hear crackling, I turn around and see that abomination having a laughing fit. Something wasn’t right.

“When you are ready come and find me.”  
Something wasn’t right. He seemed angry. I wonder if I pushed him too far? He was a dangerous man, I felt uneasy knowing that he knew. How did he acquire this information?  
I bead of sweat rolled down my face, was he planning something. His long slender fingers caressed my face. Instinctively I move my face and try to back away but something is holding me in place. That damned abomination, how much did he know? Did he know I was Luffy’s mother?  
“Where is your girlfriend Croco-Chan? The last woman we saw him with is on some scrap island rotting away. You wouldn’t want her to die now would you?” He didn’t know my secret. It was five years of my life or some woman rotting away the choice was obvious. “Come with me and join my family and she wont get harmed.” I shift into sand and turn solid again. I knew I was in trouble with this man. 

“Crocodile, do you not care about the woman? Or should I have gone straight to the child?”  
I shudder at the thought of Doflamingo being in arms reach of my son. Threats don’t work on him, Shanks isn’t a Yonko yet and putting him in this situation could ruin his plans. Garp wouldn’t help unless he took the child forever. I was quickly running out of options. I can’t kill him or my shichibukai title will be revoked. The options were all in his favour. Anything I did could end up with Luffy being dead or worse. 

I’M SO FUCKED

“Really what do you want.” I felt myself tearing up. I haven’t felt so inferior since I was a woman.  
“Join my family sweetheart.”  
”What does that mean? What do you want from me.” It was join the family or the Death of Luffy.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you sm ily


End file.
